Fall for Me

Transcript of Conversation between a Runner and their Mind during the Moment. The Moment. Yes, that one. The one that decides which path you will take for the rest of the race. That moment.

Mind: You need to back off this. Seriously.
Runner: Really?
Mind: Yes.
Runner: But, I think I can hold on.
Mind: You’ll break. Believe me. Have I ever lied to you?
Runner: Well,
Mind: You’re focusing on the wrong things.
Runner: It does hurt
Mind: Exactly. Do you think it’s going to hurt less if you keep at it like this?
Runner: Well, no.
Mind: Do you want to finish strong?
Runner: Yes.
Mind: Do you want to even finish?
Runner: Of course!
Mind: Well, you’re not going to do either if you don’t back off now.
Runner: But I’m with this pack. I can stay with them. They will drag me along.
Mind: They are better than you. They’ll drag you along for a little while. Then they will drop you. Plain and simple. Drop you. And they won’t come back.
Runner: But,
Mind: Someone else will come up. Another pack. A better one for you. They’ll pick you up and this will feel better. You can talk to them. Instead of having to talk to me.
Runner: What if you just push me? You know, get at me to stick with this group. If I could just make it a little further I’d be close enough to the finish to..
Mind: To what? You know you’ve never been here before! You’ve never been this far up, this fast, this out on a limb, this brave, this scared, ever!
Runner: But I am now. I’m there and all those things now.
Mind: Yeah, now. Not later. Later it will get worse. It will burn more, there will be less air to breathe, there will be more lead in those legs and pain in those knees and ache in those shoulders of yours.
Runner: I know.
Mind: I know you do. And why do you know?
Runner: Because you tell me.
Mind: And why do I do that?
Runner: To save me.
Mind: From what?
Runner: From failing.
Mind: Exactly.
Runner:…
Mind: What else?
Runner: From getting my heart broken.
Mind: Exactly. You always want to go out and do something crazy. And that’s just crazy.
Runner: I know.
Mind: It’s OK.
Runner: Is it?
Mind: You’re right. It’s not OK. You put me in a bad position. I have to be the bad guy all the time.
Runner: That’s not what I meant.
Mind: What did you mean?
Runner: It’s not OK to be OK all the time.
Mind: Of course it is. OK is what we know. OK is comfortable. OK is safe!
Runner: I’m sorry.
Mind: I forgive you.
Runner: I didn’t ask for forgiveness.
Mind: You said I’m sorry. You just said I’m sorry.
Runner: I’m sorry because this is going to hurt. I’m ready to get crushed.
Mind: What-Are-You-Talking-About?
Runner: I’m going to leave this group I’m running with.
Mind: Good. That’s what I said. Back off..
Runner: I’m going to push. I’m going to go. Now.
Mind: You can’t!
Runner: Maybe I can’t. But if I’m going to can’t then it will be by trying to can.
Mind: You might fail! All that work we did!
Runner: I didn’t do all that work so I would succeed. I did it to give myself a chance to succeed. Nothing more. So i could get here. With you. So I could have this fight. With you. So I could be in this moment. With you. I did all that work, every day, so I could be in this position to fail with you. Or succeed with you. But I didn’t do the work to only have one option. It was always done knowing I could break. We could break. And the only way I can ever know if I didn’t break is to try and break. I have to see. I have to go.
Mind: Are you sure?
Runner: Yes.
Mind: Well, then let’s go.
Runner: Seriously? You’ll come? Just like that?
Mind: Of course.
Runner: But, all these years and races and moments? Every time you told me to hold back or drop off. You told me I shouldn’t. You told me I couldn’t.
Mind: Yup.
Runner: You always doubted. You always made me believe that I didn’t deserve to believe in myself.
Mind: Yup.
Runner: Now, just because I fought back? Just because I said no to you? Just because I decided?
Mind: You know you’ve always just been talking to yourself, right?

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